22-year-old Mary Downey of New York City was drunk around 6:00 A.M. on Sunday. If you're wondering how she was drunk at that hour, keep in mind she's an Irish immigrant.
She was trying to get on the subway at Times Square, but was so hammered she FELL onto the tracks. Then she was run over by a train. Then ANOTHER train. Then a THIRD train.
The third train conductor spotted her and called for help . . . but still couldn't stop before he ran her over.
And after all that . . . Mary only wound up with a broken shoulder and not, you know, death.
She said she was able to wedge herself down in the tracks, and positioned herself so the trains would just glide over her, not crush her.