KATHIE J'S STUPID NEWS - MYSTERIOUS BLONDE GOES DUECE ON MAN'S HOUSE
In New Mexico, a guy is trying to track down a young, skinny, blonde woman who keeps POOPING ON HIS HOUSE. His security cameras have caught her doing it four times in the middle of her jogging. He called it, quote, "malicious fecal distribution." He went to the local news for help, because he thought the cops wouldn't take him seriously. Obviously they loved it and ran with it.