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The Top Relaxation Tips

August 15, 2017

The Top Relaxation Tips

Have all news channels removed from your cable package.

Inhale.  Exhale.  Then pass the bong to your left.

You know that coffee that's bigger than your head?  Maybe skip that now and then.

Participate in something that requires no mental or physical energy.  Like sex with your spouse.

Take a deep breath and exhale slowly.  Ya know, like you do when you blow up your life-size sex doll.

Meditate . . . no wait, I mean MEDICATE.  Who's got time to meditate?

Close your eyes and think pleasant thoughts.

Put on a funny movie . . . so something non-Adam Sandler.

Remember, your worries are nothing because life is meaningless and we're just meat with nice hair.  Sorry.  That was supposed to help.

You know the comments section below every YouTube video?  Skip it.

Exercise.  Ha!  I tried.  Drink yourself into oblivion.

While taking a moment to meditate, try to think about something other than how you're totally going to brag to all your friends about how you love to meditate.

Stop trying to make your cat love you.

Act presidential and take a three-week golf vacation.

Close your eyes and imagine Donald Trump is still just the host of "The Apprentice".

Make sure you're getting your 6.5 to 8 hours of sleep . . . preferably at work.

Plan a trip ...